My parents named me Laurel, after the mountain laurel flower, but I've always gone by Laurie. I feel like I've spent my whole life trying to be what other people would find acceptable, and it hasn't been until recent years that I've thought more about how GOD would like me to be. He wants my heart to be seeking after HIM and not the approval of man. So, this is where I will be working out my thoughts, removing the masks (even my nickname!), being real, and making a FREAK of myself! ha ha Any other Jesus Freaks or just freaks in general or even non-freaky people are welcome to read, discuss, encourage, or be encouraged. Welcome to my brain . . . and my heart. :)

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Mighty Mouth Mom

I've got this sore throat, see, and it's making me think about how I speak.

Most people, at least in their comments to me, think I'm nice and sweet.

My husband and son know otherwise.

Oh, I don't scream and holler, and I am nice and sweet to them, probably a majority of the time.  But my mouth gets the better of me more often than I care to think about.

It started out with Hubby.  During our dating, engagement and early years of marriage, I would unleash on him words that surprised me after I heard what I said. He was tough enough, wise enough, to see through my facade of words, into my hurting heart.  He was mature enough to hold me accountable for those words in a loving way, without returning insult for insult.  He didn't play my games, but didn't abandon me, either.  I didn't realize it then, but I needed his "tough love." 

The Lord grew me in that area, and it's rare that I speak even the slightest bit harshly to him.

But then there's my son.  My precious son.

We two spend lots of time together, and we're both stubborn in certain ways.  Plus, I often feel this urgency about him learning all he needs to know and being all he needs to be by the time he leaves the nest.  I let the panic get the better of me sometimes, and I don't watch my words.

I'm not talking here about cursing at him or yelling at the top of my lungs.

But, I'm too often not careful.

Everyone else in my life gets the benefit of my stopping to think before speaking something difficult.  It's the way it should be done, and everyone deserves that courtesy.

But my precious gift from God doesn't always receive that courtesy.  That respect.  From his mom.

I'm getting better.  I really am.  But I'm not there yet.  I don't know if I'll ever be "there."  Has there ever been a mom who consistently spoke perfectly to her children?  I don't want to be too hard on myself, yet I don't want to let myself off the hook too easily, either. 

Because, no matter what anyone else does or doesn't do, I'm still responsible for my words, and for the spirit in which I say them.

Our precious treasure came to us as a wounded, angry toddler.  It hurts my heart deeply to think that anything I've said, or how I've said it, has wounded him more deeply, or opened wounds that could have remained mended.

It's the healing words he needs from us.  Accountability, absolutely!  But not with careless words or attitudes.

Maybe LM isn't all that different from any other child.  Yes, he had a rough start to his life, but every child is born, with a sinful nature, into this cold, cruel world.  Every child hurts over something.  Every child has a God-shaped hole in his/her heart and is trying to figure out what goes there.  Do we show them how God really is by the way we treat them and speak to them, or do we misrepresent Him with carelessness?

Lord, help me to speak words of life and encouragement and truth into my son's life, with an attitude of humility.

2 comments:

Amelia said...

Beautiful..

Sooo true for all of us.

We can heal or hurt... I always think to myself...would I talk to a girlfriend like this?

Great blogpost. love you, amelia

jtaft7 said...

Beautiful, beautiful post and so hits my heart right where God is working. I love my family deeply and love God so much. I desire to bless with my words, to bless, encourage, challenge etc. with a heart of love, but you are right. We all fail at times and it is amazing to me that the longer I walk with God, the more my sin becomes offensive to me. :)I love your honesty and introspection. Thanks for sharing!