My parents named me Laurel, after the mountain laurel flower, but I've always gone by Laurie. I feel like I've spent my whole life trying to be what other people would find acceptable, and it hasn't been until recent years that I've thought more about how GOD would like me to be. He wants my heart to be seeking after HIM and not the approval of man. So, this is where I will be working out my thoughts, removing the masks (even my nickname!), being real, and making a FREAK of myself! ha ha Any other Jesus Freaks or just freaks in general or even non-freaky people are welcome to read, discuss, encourage, or be encouraged. Welcome to my brain . . . and my heart. :)

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Undeserving of the Dream?

So, the plan is that I'm publishing a series of eBooks on Kindle this summer.

Ever since "going public" with this tidbit, I've been struggling with feeling unworthy of having this dream become a reality.


I guess the main reason is that it's not that huge of a dream for me.  Let me explain.  I've been thinking about people who have a dream, and they're so passionate about it and do everything they possibly can to make that dream come true.  There's nothing they won't do, no avenue they won't exhaust to see their desire become a reality.  Some are consumed by it day in and day out, night after sleepless night.

It's never been that way for me.  From the second the idea of publication took root in my heart, it's been an exciting idea, but my attitude has been, "I don't want it if You don't want it for me, Lord.  Do with this manuscript whatever You will."

When I think sensibly,  I know there's nothing wrong with that attitude.  But then the sappy side of me engages and I think of so many who, despite all their passion, never see their dream realized.  Or struggle so much harder than I did to reach the desired destination.

And that makes me feel undeserving.

But what I've been reminded of  the past several days is that, with God, nothing is about what we deserve.  What I deserve.

If I had my just desserts, I would be either dead or living a very miserable life right now.  I would be separated from God forever.  I would have nothing of any sort of value.  I would BE nothing of value.

God doesn't deal with who deserves what.  It's not about that for Him, because Jesus more than makes up for what we lack in the deserving department.  He uses people who are willing to be used by Him for his purposes, and He decides what those purposes are.  What an honor to be a vessel for Him, despite my lifetime of screw-ups and unsavory things I have said and done. That He chooses to use me in any situation is an honor.

There's no one else I could say that about.  Who wants to be used?  But God is so perfect and loving, I can trust Him to use me in the purest and most loving ways.

What I need to stop doing is comparing myself with other people, my story with others' stories.  This isn't about comparing or measuring up.  It's about what God wants to do through me.  I don't have to have a dramatic story for it to matter or for it to accomplish God's purpose.  I believe that now.

Please remind me that I believe it should I falter in my thinking again! :)

Friday, May 2, 2014

Friday Night Randomness: April Favorites

April!  We finally had some spring-like days--such loveliness!  Here are some of my favorites from the month of April.

Best Reads:  I've had four books going on in April.  Pretty much at the same time.  I'm not sure how or why I'm doing this, as it's very uncharacteristic of me, but it's just what's happening lately.  In addition to trying to finish the Bono biography I talked about last month, I've also been reading:

Click here for more info.

Great book so far. I need to finish it and think it all through some more.

Click here for more info.
I was needing a fresh parenting perspective.  The title is awful in my opinion, but you can't always judge a book by its cover.  I may do a full review on this later, but this gave some helpful and effective insights.  And it made me laugh out loud several times, too. :)

Click here for more info.
This one kind of fills in the gaps left by the other one.  Seriously, the two of them together have helped me look at things I'd never thought of before.

Foodliness:  Spicy Sausage Pasta
Not exactly the healthiest, but my little family loved it.  And it's not very spicy, but still flavorful!

From the Makeup Bag:  Love this eyeshadow palette called Petal Pusher from Wet & Wild.  Only $5 at Walgreens, Meijer, and probably other places, too, but the colors are really pigmented and have some staying power.  I don't use all eight colors.  The lightest pink is my favorite for the lid and the one below it for the crease (in other words, I don't go by how they've labeled the colors).
Click here for more info.

Musically Speaking:

Not sure why this video is showing up like this, but it's a Landon Austin and Ellie Swisher cover of this  melodic lullaby.  It haunts me in a lovely way.  Though I'm one of the few Americans who hasn't seen the movie, I've heard Taylor Swift's version of this song and (sorry, Taylor!), this one is so much better! (I'm making a sheepish face right now.)


Home Theater:  Didn't have time to watch much in April, but LM and I enjoyed watching  "The Greening of Whitney Brown" on Netflix.
Click here for more info.

Candle:  I've been enjoying my Tuscany lilac candle, tiding me over 'til my real lilacs bloom.
Found this at Meijer, but it's not on their website.  Click here to order online via Shopko

App:  Seriously, this is so boring, but the app I used most in April was The Weather Channel one.  Yawn!

Human:  So, it's not my intention to regularly have my Favorite Human of the Month be someone I actually know in person, because I know and love so many wonderful people and would never want to appear to be playing favorites.  But they say there's an exception to every rule, and I can't let this one go by because of some silly, self-imposed rule. ;)  So, April's "Favorite Human" is actually a duo:  My newborn nephew, Jonathan and his mama, Betsy (my sis!).  They're both the bomb in my book.