My parents named me Laurel, after the mountain laurel flower, but I've always gone by Laurie. I feel like I've spent my whole life trying to be what other people would find acceptable, and it hasn't been until recent years that I've thought more about how GOD would like me to be. He wants my heart to be seeking after HIM and not the approval of man. So, this is where I will be working out my thoughts, removing the masks (even my nickname!), being real, and making a FREAK of myself! ha ha Any other Jesus Freaks or just freaks in general or even non-freaky people are welcome to read, discuss, encourage, or be encouraged. Welcome to my brain . . . and my heart. :)

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Who Am I?

[Tangent]:  My photo on the side over there ------> is kind of a quirky one.  I must have just come in from a windy outside with my bangs all wonky, my lips chapped, and a bit of shine on the nose.  But, you know, that's just how it can be on a typical day around here!  That was taken last year--my first selfie on my phone. lol  I had cancer that day and didn't know it.  Isn't that weird?  (I'm okay now).  [End of tangent]

Sometimes I have no idea who I really am.  I know my name, my birth date, my address, social security number, and occupation(s).  I know who my family and friends are.  All of these things help define me in some ways, but who am I really?

I know the sound of my laughter and the way I say things.  I know what I think I like and dislike.  But how much of these are really me, and how much is other people's influence on me? 

What would I be like if I grew up isolated, with no influence from other people?  What if it was just my parents and me, and they taught me everything I needed to know, but I had no other people's influence on me?  Would I like everything the two of them liked?  Laugh just like one of them?  Think only as they thought?

Speaking of laughing, let's use that as an example.  The way I laugh . . . did I hear it somewhere and adopt that kind of laugh as my own, or does everyone have their own original laugh?  Or did I once have my own original laugh and it has morphed into something I heard from someone else?  I don't know if my laugh sounds like anyone else's, but I don't know if it's my original laugh, either.  Just like almost every other aspect of myself.

If I'm a product of my influences, am I that any more so than anyone else?  Are we all a hodgepodge of characteristics we've admired in others (consciously or not) and taken on ourselves as our lives have transpired?

Maybe it doesn't matter as much who I am as it does WHOSE I am.  God knows my name.  He whispered it in my sleep one time.  At least I think it was Him.  Startling, but cool!  He knows I am His and He is glad I am His.  Me, too!  He knows the original Laurel and which parts are really meant to be "me" and which parts He's still helping me chisel away.  I'm content with that.

Most of the time.

Matthew 10:29-31 - Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.


Alli Kaiser said...

I have often wondered how the social media is affecting our young people. It seems as though as soon as they acquire a cell phone, my space, facebook, twitter...they just become unrecognizable. I am not sure whether it is the dopamine that is raging with every like, text message, or FaceTime, that turns the child, or if it is the 900 "friends" thoughts, and attitudes that are shaping their character. And how can all of that speak louder than me...someone who is touchable, within reach and an ear shot.
Who am I, that The Lord of all the earth would care to know my name...

Jimmy R said...

Cool! I look forward to reading more! And the cool thing is that Go can and will use you I this. He has touched lives in ways I hadn't expected through min and I am certain He will do the same here!

Anonymous said...

This is a very good post! It is thought provoking for sure. Isn't it a blessing that who we are in Christ is what defines us. Not what people think about us, or even what we think about ourselves, not the influences on us....or around us, but who we are IN Him. It's a blessing to know too, that He is sovereign over all those influences and uses them as tools to mold us, help us grow and change us into His image. Thanks for sharing! AND, I didn't know you had cancer. I'm very glad to know you are okay. (((hugs)))

Laurel/Laurie :) said...

Alli--I hear ya. It's loud out there. So LOUD! Spending as much time together, having intentional conversations, setting limits on the electronics . . . PRAYing like crazy. I'm convinced we have to TRY to compete whether or not we feel it's having an impact. It is.

Laurel/Laurie :) said...

Jimmy! Thanks for the encouragement! I need to see if I can follow your blog, too. When you sent that link about your dad, I was deeply touched, and it happened to be a very appropriate time to read it to LM--it spoke to him in ways I'm sure you never imagined, too!

Laurel/Laurie :) said...

Jana--I was JUST thinking about you before I got on here because I wanted to tell you that I TRIED to start this blog at WP, and it would NOT work for me. Isn't that weird? I absolutely could not understand anything or get it to work. (I guess that's not SO surprising, considering it's me. ha ha) I've seen yours and liked the looks of it, so thought I'd try something different. No go! lol Oh, well, sometimes the old familiar works just fine. :) Thank you for your sweet words and the truth in your comment. :)

Amelia said...

Hello Dear Laurie, What a blessing to see and read your new blog, I know how you feel. You just listen to the Holy Spirit, praying to our Lord (as I know you are) and He will lead and direct you. It's a tough busy-body, culturally-loud world out there...You be you. The pressures are everywhere, the culture, the church, all have their politically correct opinions. We can stay in communion with Him and not worry about the rest. How freeing in the Lord. (the only way to be truly free right?) : )

I was just looking at the comments on the different blog homes...I for some reason think blogspot is easy too, at least it is for me.: ) It has the blogroll and everything that I just love, I wish more xangan friends would have gone with blogger and stuck with it a while back and I think we would have had that community again. Oh well such is life eh? : )

Also I don't know if you've heard of bloglovin' but it is a nice, easy way of keeping up with various blogs from different originations.

I would also like to mention even in blogging I pick up on competition, pressure and even cliquishness on this and that, it reminds me of what you are addressing in your blog. It would be easy to enter into it all...I see people constantly trying to keep up with the Joneses in even their blogs and I really don't want to do that ever, I know you wouldn't either but it is out there now more then ever it seems, it seems people will do anything for that synthetic junior high popularity. I try to turn my head and turn it toward the Father and not worry about the rest even though my girls will tell you we are grieved at times. I always try to remember those who have wonderful blogs with so many neat things to say, spiritually or practically... who dont' seem to receive the attention they deserve. I always think...look how Jesus was treated. Usually? Many times, the encouragements come quietly, privately, God is so good. There are Saints everywhere. Amazing.

Well sis, we just have to remember that whatever we do in every walk of life it's all for...An Audience of One. It's freeing and their is such Peace in that.

What a love you are! : )

I so look forward to reading your future blogging thoughts!

xxxxooo Love, ~Amelia

Laurel/Laurie :) said...

Hi Amelia! It was so great to hear from you! As always. :) I, too, wish more of our Xanga friends had switched over. Some are on Facebook, but not all. I'm not even sure how many of them are still blogging.

I had not heard of the bloglovin', but I sure will look into it.

Yes, it's important to keep our eyes on Him when we're blogging,rather than popularity. It's easy to get sucked into that.

I always love reading the stories of your life and seeing your photos. :)

Lotsa love,
Laurie :)